The Dog Dad who didn't want a Dog.

“Dad, can we have a dog?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because they poop on the floor, eat kitchens and destroy furniture”.

That discussion has been going on for over 20 years in my house and I’m proud I’ve been able to hold my argument for so long.

All that changed last year…

There has been a very good reason why we’ve never had a dog. Mainly, both my wife and I have worked long hours and most of my career has seen me living out of hotels during the week. But this never stopped the kids asking the same question multiple times.

As a Dad of daughters, I’m well versed on spotting the signs of impending doom when they all gang up on me and manipulate me to the point I have to back down and allow them to have their own way.

They’ve had me over a barrel on many things over the years but never have they got even close to me agreeing to have a dog.

I’m actually blaming all of this on COVID. Pre COVID, my working week was pretty predictable. I’d be working out of my office and travelling to various places during the week. Pretty normal work routine. But since COVID, my employer managed to figure out that they can save loads of money by not having to pay for trains into London, travel and hotel costs if they get me to sit in front of my laptop all day attending Teams meetings.

“Sorry I’m late” and “You’re on mute” are now my go to phrases to start any meeting. Actually, the phrase “Sorry, was that a question for me?” is now more frequently asked when I’m not listening and distracted by the puppy chewing on my chair.

My wife also decided to retire a short while ago so she could finally fulfil her fantasy of going to the shops all day and sipping her mocha choca latte while chatting to her friends.

I’d already spotted the weakness in my environment that would blow my 20 year record out of the water.

I’m based from home, wife is retired, all my watertight arguments were crumbling before my eyes. How long would it be before they twigged there was an opportunity.

It all escalated quickly at a family dinner. We were all chatting, and the kids were asking their Mum about what she was going to do with all her spare time. Amongst the answers came the phrase.

“ I don’t know really, haven’t really had much time to think about it yet”.

Big mistake. Never, ever tell the kids you don’t know about something or have too much time on your hands. They’re programmed to fill it without warning. As far as the kids are concerned, I’m always busy and always know what I’m doing.

And that’s where 20 years of success came to an abrupt end.

“We can get a dog!” was proclaimed across the dinner table.

“We?” Where did “we” come from? They don’t even live with us anymore, but apparently “we” can get a dog.

“No, that’s not happening” I said. We have too much on.

And this is when 20 years of an accepted “no” became a “yes”.

My wife paused, looked at me, and smiled. That was it, she didn’t even have to say anything.

The kids were ecstatic, whooping and hugging. I knew I had lost my argument at that moment so there I was sat, silent, having been out manoeuvred once again.

“I’ve already started looking for you” said our youngest daughter. “There’s a puppy available, and they’re Kennel Club registered and they’re a 5 star breeder”.

“Hang on, what do you mean you’ve been looking?”

“We all knew once Mum retired you’d get a dog”

“Did you? How?”

My wife looked at me again and just smiled. This is when I realised there was a long term plan and I was the last, as usual, to know about it.

“Shall I contact the breeder?”

“No, Mum and I need to discuss this”.

“Let’s just go and see the puppy, see how you feel”.

“No, let’s not do that, let’s just take some time and discuss this please”. Just the mention of the word “discuss” meant that the kids knew they had fractured my defence. I’d never said this word before and they knew they’d broken through the line.

At this point, I was excluded from the conversation while the youngest daughter contacted the breeder anyway and made an appointment for us to visit the puppy whether I agreed or not.

I was now just a passenger on this journey, the decision was made. I spent the next 24 hours coming to terms with the fact we were potentially getting a dog.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike dogs, I grew up with them. But in my head, I always knew the only circumstances in which I’d want a dog is if the dog could have the best life possible. I never wanted a dog that spent hours alone during the day while we worked and then had it’s walk rushed because we needed to have dinner and do homework etc. I think that’s why I always mentally thought once I retired, that would be the time for me.

But actually, since my wife is retired, and I work from home, perhaps having a dog could work.

On the way to view the puppy, the conversation flowed to all the things we needed to buy and all the things we needed to do.

What the kids were probably not prepared for, is in my head, if we were having a puppy, it’s not going to poop on the floor, and it’s not going to eat the kitchen. If we’re having a puppy, it’s going to be trained, and I know how much work is involved in training puppies. And that would mean changes. Changes to our home, changes to our garden and changes to what we do and when we do them.

I actually thought our youngest daughter was going to pass out with excitement when we arrived. She’s been asking “Can we have a dog” persistently for over 20 years and now here she is, about to view a puppy. She doesn’t even live with us and she’s still convinced it’s “we’re having a dog”.

There I was, looking at a 5 week old puppy in my wifes arms looking lovingly into her eyes and wanted his forever home. How could I say no?

I’ll save the story about the early days and weeks for another time but fast forward a few months and the narrative in this house and changed quite a lot. Instead of “Can we have a dog” all I hear now is…

“Christ almighty Dad, you treat that dog better than you treated us”. *shrugs

“Dad, he’s a dog, he really doesn’t need his own bedroom”. “Yes, he does”.

“Are you coming out for lunch”, “no sorry, dog is scheduled for a sleep”

“Can we go out for dinner”, “no, sorry, need to be here for the dog”.

“Fancy going shopping”, “No, sorry, have to take the dog out for training”.

“Where are we going on holiday next year? Florida?” “No, we’ll be staying in the UK and taking the dog with us so he gets a holiday also”.

That’s right kids, my life has changed now we have a dog. This dog comes first in all our decisions. We want a well trained dog so we need to put the time in with him. Now we have a dog, I want him to have the best life we can give him which for me, doesn’t involve crating him while we go out for lunch.

I have two massive fears about raising a dog. The first is about the dog destroying my house. I’ve lost count of the amount of friends who have told me stories about their puppy having toileted on every carpet they have, chewed the skirting boards, destroying the furniture and eaten the kitchen cupboards.

The second fear is about the dog legging it and getting lost while off lead. These 2 things keep me awake at night.

I knew the answer to both these fears were training. During my research on training programmes, I realised things had changed quite a lot since the Barbara Woodhouse days. There’s now a spectrum of training from positive only to a strict approach and everything in between. YouTube is literally a minefield of various trainers and their different approaches.

We finally settled on an on line course which broke down the puppies first year of it’s life and all the things it needed to be taught. I liked this as it gave us structure. We now had a list of things to teach every week and things to expose him to.  I took this responsibility seriously. This meant that for the first time in everyone’s lives, I was putting a puppy before everything, and I mean everything.

In fairness, we’ve achieved our objective. The Kitchen remains uneaten, nothing has been destroyed, skirting boards remain in tact and I can count on one hand the amount of accidents he’s had in the house.

Training was the answer!

The kids can complain all they want, I really don’t care. This little puppy is going to have the best life I can give him and be the absolute best trained I can make him. If the kids want to complain about how I prioritise my time or the way I set conditions based on the dog, they only need look at themselves.

This is all their fault, and they bloody well know it!

I am a full time Dog Dad, be careful what you wish for kids.